Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
