You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
