Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
