I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Little spoons don't ask big questions
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
