I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
