I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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