hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
