Heybabeimwearingurpanties
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
