It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
