Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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