How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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