i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
