I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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