; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
