I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
