thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
