how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
