Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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