Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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