i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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