Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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