guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
