Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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