he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
