so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
