I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
