remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
