College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
