I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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