There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
