I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
