I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
we're so committed to being not committed
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
