Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
