i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
