it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
