2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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