i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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