i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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