what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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