I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
