At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
