What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
