I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
