"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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