24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
