Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
