His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Panties = found
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
