1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
