please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
