Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
