i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
