i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
