Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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