Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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