You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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