I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
