READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
false alarm. still invincible.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
