i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
