he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
