You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
