his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
