do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
