Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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